Let’s Stop Putting Ourselves Down or why I almost didn’t buy that bathing suit

I bought a real pretty two piece bathing suit today at a nearby surf shop. It fits me perfectly and I feel very good in it.  I had put off buying a new suit for this season for weeks because I kept thinking that I wasn’t thin enough yet and hence, did not “deserve” a new bathing suit. Never mind the fact that I take pretty good care of myself by working out regularly and eating well. I am fit and am at a healthy weight. I still have this weight on my, ahem, backside, that I wish was less than it is. It is just how my body is built and if I let it I can be pretty self-conscious in a bikini.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I could choose to focus on my flat toned stomach and arms and tell myself that “Debra, you go out and get a pretty new suit for your beautiful body. You work hard for your  body and you deserve it”. Instead, I almost did not buy this bathing suit today because I was focusing on my perceived “flaws”.

Remember, what we appreciate appreciates. What we focus on grows. It is up to us whether we talk ourselves up or talk ourselves down.

Hopefully we are choosing to be around people who support us and help us to see  our best in ourselves. My partner was that person for me this morning. He said I look great and encouraged me to get that new bathing suit I’ve been wanting.

Perfection is a tough standard to live by. It would be freeing and a great relief to learn how to be easier and gentler on ourselves. I am learning to do that. As a result, I am sleeping better at night. All those years of sleeplessness and anxiety were greatly attributed to that perfect image of myself that I thought I had to attain.

It is no fun to beat yourself up at night and not sleep just because you are being yourself. No, you are not perfect. Nobody is.

The sooner we can accept that, the sooner we can have peace of mind and a more restful night of sleep.

If you are awake with your journal, go ahead and write down all of the many wonderful qualities that you have:

1. What do you like about your appearance?
2. What are some of your abilities that you are naturally good at?
3. What were some of your best subjects at school?
4. Think of all the compliments people have given you. Write them down.
5. How have you helped or made the world a brighter place for someone else today?
6. What are some achievements that you are most proud of?
7. Think of all the wonderful, miraculous things that your healthy body does for you

Smile, and know that you are wonderful.

(This post inspired by a chapter called “don’t put yourself down” in Richard Carlson’s book: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff With Your Family, p.70)

Debra : )

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What is working in your life and what is not?

I am at a point in my life (I am 43 years old) where I just don’t feel like I have the time to mess with things, people, or circumstances that are not working for me.

What is working for you? What is not? This is a great journal writing activity.

Ask yourself:

1. What is important to me?
2. What is in my life or happening in my life that lines up with my most important values?

These are the things we need to appreciate, thank God and the universe for, and focus on. What we appreciate appreciates! What we focus on grows.

We can then ask ourselves this question for our journal writing:

1. What is in our lives that is not serving our greater good? (this can be people, things, places, circumstances)
2. What is toxic?
3. What is holding us back?
4. What is not supporting us?

Once we have identified these negative influences in our lives we can choose to let them go. Write these things down on a separate page in your journal. Then tear it out and burn it in your fireplace. Have a nice letting go ceremony and be done with them already.

Then go back to the page where you wrote about what is working in your life. Ahhh..the stuff that is truly deserving of your time, energy, and attention. Look at that. Focus on those good things , appreciate them and they will be what dominate your life experience. Pretty nice, huh?

Debra : )

Thank You

Thank you, Warm Milk Journal readers. This blog is a work in progress and I hope that it is helping or inspiring you in some way.

Other things in my life I feel thankful for this evening:

1. I am thankful for my wonderful supportive, loving, and sexy partner
2. I am thankful to have a meaningful job where I have the opportunity to positively effect the lives of 46 second graders 180 days of the year
3. I am thankful for my children who are good at challenging me and humbling me and teaching me what it means to love
4. I am thankful for my parents who continue to love me and enjoy their lives to the the fullest
5. I am thankful for my cat Mew who is adorable and is a constant loving peaceful precious presence in my life.

Now it is your turn (time to get out your journals):

I am thankful for:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

15 Journal Writing Prompts

Here are  15  journal writing prompts for you to try today or tonight:

1. If you were a color, what would you be and why?
2. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
3. Where in the world would you like to live if money were no object?
4. What would be on the top of your administration’s agenda if you were the President?
5. Describe an ideal day for you.
6. What is something nobody knows about you?
7. If you were to deliver a graduation speech to this year’s graduating high school or college seniors, what would you tell them?
8. Finish this thought: Spring is a perfect time to….
9. What is one word that means peace to you?
10. When do you feel the most safe?
11. When do you feel the most alive?
12. When do you feel the most excited?
13. Describe a stressful time in your life when you reacted in a calm and controlled way?(In other words, handled things well?)
14. What are some things you like to do when nobody is looking?
15. What is your favorite book right now? Why? What are you enjoying about it?

51 Ways To have crazy, quirky, out of the box fun!

Time to stretch. Time to play. time to get out of ourselves a bit and get adventurous and playful. If you are up and have your journal nearby write some ideas down. What can you do to shake your life up a bit? We need never feel like we are in a rut or bored. Life is dynamic. Life is about change. If we are stagnant and not changing we are not really living! I don’t know what is in store for tomorrow so I want to have fun NOW!

Stretching is good for us. Doing things we don’t ordinarily do. Breaking out of our routines. Using the other sides of our brains.

Just a few ideas to get you started and then in your journal come up with some of your own and then DO THEM!

1. Jump and dance around your house or apartment and sing at the top of your lungs.
2. Try a new recipe tonight for dinner or a restaurant you have never been to
3. Go shopping and buy a new outfit for Spring in colors and a style that you don’t normally wear.
4. Buy different shades of make up that you don’t normally wear
5. Buy a different style of shoes
6. It’s almost summer- get a new bathing suit- something bold and colorful. Perhaps even a bikini!
7. Buy and wear a new fragrance of perfume
8. Take a different route to work tomorrow
9. Play a different radio station during your commute. Try a genre of music you don’t normally listen to
10. At your gym, try a new fitness class
11. At your gym, try a piece of equipment you have never used before
12. Call someone you have not talked to in years
13. Make a date with someone special: your significant other, a child, a friend, a colleague, a parent. Do something special together
14. Get some finger paints and pretend like you are in kindergarten. Play, create, get messy!
15. laugh with abandon for no reason at all
16. Watch a different kind of movie you don’t normally watch
17. Eat some chocolate today
18. “flash” your partner when he or she is not expecting it
19. hula hoop
20. play with a yo-yo
21. in front of a mirror stick out your tongue, make faces at yourself
22. book a flight and go somewhere you have never been to before
23. get some new bath oil or bubble bath and enjoy the new scent
24. get some new candles for that bath
25. try a new kind of wine tonight
26. If you are right handed challenge yourself and try to do some things left handed and vice versa
27. When you encounter a grumpy looking person today smile at them radiantly and wish them a nice day
28. tickle your kids
29. do some yoga poses, stretches, tension exercises, dance moves, or martial arts moves on the beach
30. if you live near a beach, build a sandcastle
31. If you live near the mountains, plan a camping trip soon and do some things you don’t normally do (cook different kinds of food, play different games, etc).
32. Make love in a different room of your home
33. Make love in your car
34. Make love outside
35. Put your serious reading aside for a while and pick up that trashy novel
36. sign up for lessons to play a musical instrument
37. take a class to learn a new language
38. Go to the library or bookstore and get a book about something you know nothing about
39. If you are an introverted person, email several people today, text several people,  call people, make plans to go to or host a party, say hello to everybody you encounter today, attend a Toastmasters meeting.
40. If you are an extroverted person, turn off your cell phone. Stay away from your computer. Totally unplug. Be silent. Enjoy some solitude. Read. Walk, Meditate, Write. Listen to relaxing music. Do some puzzles
41. If you are used to thinking of yourself as fat or unattractive in anyway what so ever, get yourself in front of that mirror and announce that you are absolutely gorgeous and world, watch out!
42. Attend a community event or meeting like an arts event, wine tasting, art show, or concert
43. If you are a die hard Democrat, attend a Republican party event in your area with an open mind, and vice versa
44. Write a letter to the editor of your newspaper about something you feel passionate about
45. Turn off the the tv in your home and find out what is going on with your family members
46. Look at the sweet face of your cat or dog and just meditate on all that sweetness, innocence, and unconditonal love
47. Draw and doodle
48. Play with play-doh
49. Plan a new Garden and buy some plants this weekend
50. Browse a cookbook and mark some recipes to try
51. send some money to a charity you have never donated to before

Five Journal Prompt Ideas

Here are some prompts for your journal writing time:

1. What is a fear you have always had? How would it feel to just be free of it?
2. What did you used to want to do when you were in third grade?
3. What are you thankful for this very moment?
4. Go to a bookshelf in your home. Close your eyes. Pick out a book and randomly open it. Write down something about that page. Reflect.
5. When was the last time you laughed? What caused you to laugh? How did it feel to laugh?

Thinking of something good

As you are lying in bed tonight, think about (or if writing in your journal write about):

1. one way that you made a positive difference in someone’s life today
2. A smile that you gave or a smile that you received
3. a delicious meal you ate today
4. a hug or kiss that you gave or received from someone you love
5. your pet’s unconditional love and acceptance of you
6. one thing that you achieved today
7. something that made you laugh
8. unexpected income coming into your life
9. how you have a roof over your head
10. something you are excited about in your life right now
11. a happy memory

I Am that I Am: Ten Declarations For Who You Are

Who are you? Declare it!

Get out your journal and state affirmatively who you are, with conviction and certainty.

For example:

1. I Am strong
2. I Am centered
3. I Am the director of my life
4. I Am in the driver’s seat
5. I Am peace
6. I Am loved
7. I Am safe
8. I Am calm
9. I Am magnificent
10. I Am vibrantly healthy

Come up with some of your own that resonate with you. Write them down. Say them out loud. They can be mantras as you breathe and meditate. Stating it in a declaratory, “I am” statement sends the message to yourself and the universe that you are that thing= already! (as opposed to you want to be loved, you want good health- see the difference?)

Five Journal Prompt ideas

Here are some ideas to spark writing in your journal:

1. If I could change anything in my life right now, what would it be?

2. What does courage look like? sound like? smell like?

3. What do I hope to dream about tonight?

4. If I could have lunch with a famous person tomorrow, who would it be? What would we talk about ?

5. What can I celebrate right now? Would I want to throw a party? Go out with friends?